It pains me to admit it, but until very recently, I didn't mind when guys whistled at me in the streets. I liked it. It made me feel pretty. It was kind of like validation for me. It's incredibly embarrassing difficult to express and, honestly, I'm not quite sure why I'm posting this. I think it's because I want to get a message out.
Last week, I was in a parking lot after a swim meet, waiting for my parents to come pick me up. I was wrapped in a towel and wearing a jacket and my parents were running late. So I was alone. At 7pm. In a parking lot. Alone.
A group of boys started whistling at me and shouting for me to come over. I was not flattered and I did not like it. I was freaking terrified. I didn't want to walk past them to get back into the building, so I walked to the farthest end of the lot away from them. There, I shivered and waited some more. Thankfully, a kind family let me sit in their car until my father finally drove up. (If you are reading this, kind family (you know who you are), thank you from the bottom of my heart).
So, what I'm trying to get across here is: do not catcall. Do not wolf-whistle. Do not honk. It's degrading. And objectifying. And terrifying as freak. The people who enjoy it have not yet realized that they shouldn't enjoy it. And thank God I've learned my lesson.
This sounds terrifying. I've never experienced this before but just being alone in the dark is enough to freak me out. On the not so dark side, at least there was a kind family there to save you!
ReplyDeleteBeing out alone at night is just ick, but being out at night with strangers around is worse D: Hope you don't have to deal with this again.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate this post, Joy. It's not easy to admit you once enjoyed what is generally regarded as harassment, but 1. This is a really important story, and it illustrates that supposedly flattering catcalls are on a spectrum with threatening and creepy behavior, and 2. It's not surprising that women sometimes enjoy attention that other women would be offended by, because girls and women are taught by so many aspects of our culture to pin our self-esteem to what the random dude on the street thinks of us. But it's good to get over any attachment we have to that crap. Because when you think about it, even if it's not intended to be threatening or creepy, all varieties of catcalling are based on this assumption that women exist for the pleasure of men. This becomes so clear when you try to imagine women acting that way toward men on the street – it seems so ridiculous it's humorous. But the double standard (which most people just accept) is far from funny.
ReplyDeleteThank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you --
ReplyDeleteStreet harassment is awful, it's degrading, disrespectful, and I honestly have no clue why it's a thing. I'm all for random compliments, but street harassment is not a compliment. It's obnoxious at best and terrifying at worst. Street harassment is a constant reminder to women that they're valued for little more than the curve of their body, the swell of their bosom, and the size of their butt. Every instance of harassment contains the threat of violence; a reminder that the harasser has more power than you (especially in your case, since there was a group.) I would say more, but it'd end up being a rant.
Kudos to you, Joy, for being able to come forward and say that you used to like it. You didn't pretend that you always hated street harassment and that's a very brave thing to admit. And I am also quite thankful for that kind family, I don't want to imagine how ugly the situation might have turned if you didn't get in their car.
Joy thank you so much for this post! First off, your honesty is very impressive. Just last year I was in the locker room and listened to a few girls in my grade trade stories of times when they were catcalled. I was surprised by the tone they were using to tell these stories-- instead of being disgusted or embarrassed, they were almost proud. It's much too easy to feel validated by this kind of street harassment. Your honesty about how you used to feel about being catcalled is refreshing, and I am sure many girls have felt the same way as you.
ReplyDeleteI have personally never been catcalled, and I had never really been aware of it until I heard those girls talk about it in the locker room. They all had at least three or four stories each! This is really embarrassing, but I started to wonder if I wasn't pretty enough to even have these gross strangers notice. But clearly, that is a ridiculous thought, because being harassed is awful and degrading and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm sorry this happened to you, but I'm glad you handled it so well. I'm happy that that nice family picked you up, because this situation could have turned dangerous fast.
Thanks again for this post! I feel like this isn't talked about enough.
Aw, Joy. It's also frustrating that most of the guys who catcall are actually just oblivious or even not wanting to understand how they're making other people feel. I think it'd be nice if someone could take the message in your post here and push it into their heads. And it seems like after-swimming-parking-lot incidents seem to have a trend of being unnerving. (I had some too) But I'm glad you found a car you could hop into. I'd give you a pat if you were here.
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